


Patina

by grey853



Category: Stargate SG1
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Male Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-02
Updated: 2013-07-02
Packaged: 2017-12-16 21:35:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/866867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grey853/pseuds/grey853
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daniel puts on a good front after being addicted to the light, but his friends are still worried.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Patina

**Author's Note:**

> This has spoilers for "The Light", "Need", "Forever in a Day", "Hathor" and probably several other episodes. I want to thank XFreak for her constant support.

Title: Patina  
Author: Grey  
Fandom: STARGATE SG1  
Pairing: Jack/Daniel  
Rating: NC-17  
Status: New/Complete  
Series: No  
Archive: Yes  
Email: [Grey853@aol.com](mailto:Grey853@aol.com)  
Date: June 2001  
Website: <http://grey.ravenshadow.net>

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

Summary: Daniel puts on a good front after being addicted to the light, but his friends are still worried. 

Notes: This has spoilers for "The Light", "Need", "Forever in a Day", "Hathor" and probably several other episodes. I want to thank XFreak for her constant support. 

Warnings: Lots of angst and a little h/c. 

* * *

**Patina**  
by Grey  
[Grey853@aol.com](mailto:Grey853@aol.com?subject=Patina)

* * *

Daniel tossed the book down on the desk and sat back, his right hand lifting his glasses as he rubbed his weary eyes. His head pounded, the slow aching throughout his body a not so gentle reminder of the withdrawal he and the others suffered as they slowly lowered the intensity of the light. Once again addicted to some fucking Goa'uld technology, once again the one most affected, he took a deep breath to keep from slamming his fist through the stone wall. 

"Daniel Jackson, do you need assistance?" 

Opening his eyes, Daniel cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses so he could see his friend clearly. "No, Teal'c. I'm fine." 

The Jaffa tilted his head and arched an eyebrow, unconvinced. He stepped closer to the desk before he spoke. "Are the translations going well?" 

Shrugging, Daniel picked up the ancient text. "There's not much here we can use." He motioned to the rows of leather-bound volumes lining the shelves. "So far all I've found is erotica." 

"Erotica?" 

"Yes, apparently the Goa'uld also used this place to play sexual games." 

"There are hundreds of books here." 

Daniel hefted the volume from the desk and sat back. "They had a lot of fantasies." 

"You will chronicle these fantasies?" 

"Not really. I'm making a list of titles before I box them up to be shipped. I'm hoping to find something useful, maybe see a pattern or run across something more practical than S and M scenes." 

"S and M? I do not understand." 

Flushing, Daniel avoided the larger man's dark eyes and kept his voice neutral. "Sadism and masochism, gaining sexual pleasure from inflicting and receiving pain. The Goa'uld liked to torture and be tortured to get off." 

His face grim, Teal'c nodded. "I have seen this in my days with Apophis." 

Swallowing hard, Daniel met Teal'c's eye's. "Do you think he did that with Sha're?" 

"I cannot say, but it would be in his character to do so. He had a large collection of implements at his disposal." Teal'c stopped, considering his words more carefully. "The host feels very little when blended with the Goa'uld, Daniel Jackson." 

"But we don't know that for sure in every case." 

"No, we do not." 

A hand touched his shoulder in sympathy and Daniel bit his lower lip before covering his mouth, his eyes burning at the thought of his lost wife. "Did you want something in particular, Teal'c? I need to get back to these translations." 

"Colonel O'Neill requested your presence at the evening meal." 

"Why didn't he come himself?" 

"He said I could carry you better than he could." 

"Carry me?" 

"Yes. He has ordered me to assure your arrival." 

"Fat chance. Tell Jack I'm not hungry." Daniel picked up the pen only to have it removed from his hand." 

"You will come with me. Nourishment is essential to your recovery." 

"My recovery is fine, thank you." 

"I disagree. You were under the influence much longer than the others." 

"But our addiction is the same." 

"It is not." 

"I'll manage. Tell Jack I'll eat later." 

"You will eat now." 

Daniel studied the stubborn features and then sighed in surrender as he stood up. "All right, but you're all being silly. I'm fine." Teal'c didn't answer, but waited for Daniel to pass by and then followed behind him into the hallway, all but blocking his retreat. Steeling himself, his expression shrouded, Daniel headed out to meet Jack and Sam, hoping that he faked being okay well enough to get some respite from their constant nagging. 

* * *

"Erotica, as in dirty books?" 

"Yes, Jack, as in dirty books." 

"Well, hell, maybe I should learn this language." 

Sam smiled and sipped her iced tea. "Maybe Daniel will let you look at the pictures, sir." 

"They've got pictures?" Jack's face lit up as he turned to Daniel with high expectations. 

Frowning, Daniel nodded. "Actually there are some rather colorful plates. Might be a little more than you wanted to know about the Goa'uld though." He reached for his drink, blocking out the graphic images of violence from his mind. He didn't need to think about that, didn't want to think about Hathor and her forceful touches, of Apophis raping his wife. 

"Come on, don't be a prude, Daniel. Fess up. That's why you've been spending all your time in the library, checking out the dirty books, right?" 

"Right, Jack. Dirty pictures are my life." Standing, Daniel took his plate to the sink, throwing the uneaten portions of his meal into the trash and then rinsing it off. Luckily, the palace kitchen contained most of the modern plumbing conveniences of an earth home. He poured himself more coffee and turned to worried stares. 

"Daniel, you didn't eat much." 

"It was good, Sam. I just wasn't hungry." 

"You haven't been hungry since you got here." 

"A side effect of the withdrawal, I guess. I get nauseous." 

Sam nodded. "I know, but it's not as bad as it was. I think in a couple of days we might not even feel it." She walked to the shelf and pulled out a brown bag, handing it to Daniel. "Here. This might help." 

Puzzled, he opened the sack and smiled. "Thanks, Sam. Chocolate-walnut cookies are my favorite." 

"I thought they might help get your appetite back." 

"I appreciate it." 

Closing the bag, Daniel put it back on the counter. "I'll have one later. I need to get to work." 

Jack finished his dinner roll and wiped his mouth. "The dirty books can wait, Daniel. Take the night off." 

"I don't want to take the night off, Jack." 

"Too bad. You're going to relax and go to bed early." 

Shaking his head, torn between annoyance and anger, Daniel moved to the door. "I'm not in the mood for this." 

Jack blocked his path with lightning speed, his solid body standing in the doorway daring him forward. "We can all see that. You've been moody as hell since you've been here. Now, I understand what's going on. I mean, we've all been a bit more testy because of this withdrawal thing, but you've got to rest. That's an order." 

"Fuck your orders, Jack." Daniel shoved past him, Jack's tight grip on his arm the only thing holding him back. 

"I'm not kidding here, Daniel. You're going to relax and go to bed. Dr. Frasier says your blood levels aren't returning to normal nearly as fast as the rest of us. Part of that is that you're not taking care of yourself." 

"So you're going to take care of me?" 

"If I have to, yeah." 

"I don't think so." Daniel stared down at Jack's hand on his arm and then back at Jack, his gut clenched. "Let go." 

"Only if you promise to go to bed and stay there all night." 

"Let go, Jack, or you won't like the promise I make." 

Releasing him reluctantly, his brown eyes not wavering, Jack shook his head. "Why do you have to be so damn stubborn about this?" 

"That's rich coming from you." 

"I'm not stubborn." 

"And the Goa'uld aren't power hungry snakeheads." 

"For crying out loud, Daniel, do you want to be sedated?" 

"Sedated? What are you talking about?" 

Sam stepped closer. "Janet told us to sedate you if you don't get more rest. She's worried, Daniel. We all are." 

Teal'c joined the group. "Major Carter is correct. We are only concerned for your welfare." 

Raising his hands in a back off motion, Daniel moved away from the forceful presence of his teammates. "Look, I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine. I just need to be left alone." 

"That's exactly what you don't need. You've done enough brooding. It's time to let it go." 

Rage swelled his brain, the world around him suddenly too bright. "There's nothing to let go. Just leave me the fuck alone." Pushing past Teal'c, the larger man didn't stop him from leaving. His body shaking, Daniel walked back to the study, wishing to hell the place had locks on the doors. 

He paced the room several minutes before Jack joined him. "Well, that was pretty impressive." 

"What?" 

"Your temper. You scared Teal'c. He's never seen a Daniel Jackson hissy fit up close and personal before, at least not lately." 

Daniel crossed his arms, his hands tucked into his armpits. "I'm sorry." 

"No you're not." 

"You're right, I'm not." Leaning back against the stone wall, Daniel shut his eyes. "I just keep thinking I should've noticed something." 

"Noticed what?" 

"When SG5 and I were here before, I should've seen something was wrong, but I was so busy being excited about the discovery of the light that I wasn't paying attention." 

"You were under the influence. It wasn't your fault." 

"Then why am I still alive and they're all dead?" 

"It's not from the lack of trying." 

Suddenly very tired, Daniel sagged down in the chair. He dropped his head to his hands for a moment and sighed. "I remember standing there on my balcony all alone, Jack. I would've jumped. I wanted to jump. Everything hurt so much and I couldn't stop it." 

"But you did stop it." 

"Only because you showed up." 

Jack settled into the chair beside him, his voice suddenly more soft. "Do you remember what you were thinking? You were talking about trying so hard and then something going away. What was that about?" 

"Control. I need to control these feelings, but then control goes away and I can't stop it." 

"Feelings about what?" 

"About everything, my parents, Sha're, the Goa'uld, about how I don't fit in anywhere." 

"Of course you fit in somewhere. You're part of the team." 

"I know that." 

"Then why..." 

"It was the withdrawal. All my fears and insecurities rushed to the surface and I couldn't handle it. I just wanted the pain to stop." 

"And now?" 

"Now, I don't know, it's better, but the feelings are still pretty potent." 

"I know." Jack leaned back, his body more relaxed, but still guarded. "You've got no idea how scared I was when I had to rush you through the gate just to get you to breathe again." 

"I don't remember that part." 

"I do." 

Daniel gazed into the solemn brown eyes and frowned. "I'm sorry, Jack. I never thanked you for saving my life." 

"No problem. Part of the job." 

"A part I'm sure you could do without." 

"It's better than the alternative." 

An awkward silence lingered between them. Finally, Daniel cleared his throat. "I won't be sedated." 

"You will if you don't go to bed on your own." 

Uneasy, confession dragging his tongue, Daniel forced the words out. "I can't sleep." 

"I know. You've never been a good sleeper." 

"And you know this because?" 

"We go on missions together, remember?" 

"Oh. Right." Embarrassed, Daniel took a deep breath and changed the subject. "What about Loran? I didn't see him at supper." 

"He ate with Teal'c earlier. They're working together on cataloguing the contents of the palace." 

"Loran likes Teal'c." 

"Yeah, and Teal'c doesn't mind. I think he's sort of adopted the boy for the moment." 

"He misses his own son." 

"Yeah." Jack's suddenly somber expression called for silence. After a few moments, the older man looked up. "You should talk to him." 

"Who? Teal'c?" 

"No, Loran. You lost your parents and so has he. It might help if you talked to him about how you dealt with it." 

Unsettled, Daniel stood and ran his right hand along the leather bindings of the books on the shelf. "Loran's fine. He'll deal with it on his own or Teal'c can help." 

"He feels responsible for his parents' death." 

"I know. You told me." 

"Then maybe if you talk to him, he won't feel so guilty." 

"I'm a scientist, Jack, not a child psychologist. Janet can take care of him when we get back." 

"What are you so afraid of?" 

"Nothing." 

"You haven't spoken two words to the kid. It's not his fault we're stuck here." 

"I know that." 

"He thinks you don't like him." 

Daniel turned and frowned. "I never said that." 

"He's a kid. What does he know? He only goes by the way people treat him." 

"Fuck." Daniel picked up a book and slammed it into the desk, ignoring Jack's surprised expression. "It's not Loran. It's this place. I hate it." 

"And Loran's part of this place." 

"I told you it's not Loran." 

"Then what is it?" 

Shaking, Daniel backed away, his arms crossed, his eyes closed. He pushed himself hard into the corner and stood, his body rebelling all at once. Lungs struggled for air and space narrowed. Strong arms wrapped around him and pulled him close. "Daniel, it's okay." 

"I try so hard." 

"I know you do." 

"It just all goes away." The words choked him, his mind dizzy with the images of Sha're taken by Apophis, of being helpless at the hands of Hathor, of the agony of addiction to the sarcophagus, the whole sordid wretchedness of his existence. Control fled and his body crumpled, Jack easing him to the floor. He grabbed Jack's shirt in despair and whispered, "Help me." 

* * *

Jack paced the stone floor and ran his hands through his grey hair. "What's taking so long?" 

"Major Carter is starting the IV." 

"We're going to have start calling her Janet soon." 

"Major Carter and the doctor are very close." 

Jack studied Teal'c's neutral expression, unsure of the meaning behind the words, and then dismissed his suspicions. He didn't have time to worry if Teal'c knew about Sam and Janet. He looked toward Daniel's door. "I hate waiting." 

"Daniel Jackson will recover. We have increased the intensity of the light once again and will decrease our exposure more slowly. His symptoms should not cause such distress this time." 

"But it's all guesswork." 

"Yes, but both the Major and the doctor seem to be confident that this reaction is temporary." 

"But why wasn't Loran affected? He's been here for years and he didn't get sick." 

"Loran is very young. His brain is very different from Daniel Jackson's." 

"Whose isn't?" 

Before Teal'c answered, Sam entered the hall with blood samples and closed Daniel's door behind her. "He's sleeping. I've got to send these to Janet and hope that by morning he'll be better." 

"What if he never is? What if he can't kick this addiction?" 

Sam met Jack's concerned eyes. "He's going to be fine, sir. It's just going to take a little longer than we thought, that's all. The light seems to have affected him more than the rest of us." 

"Do you think his addiction to the sarcophagus is a factor?" 

"I can't say. Maybe. We just have to be patient. Right now he's getting fluids and some drugs to help with the anxiety and depression." 

"Happy juice?" 

"Not exactly, but it should help him sleep and help reduce the intensity of his emotions while he's adjusting to the withdrawal." 

"Maybe we should all take a shot." 

"I don't think so, sir." 

"Just kidding." 

Grinning, Sam motioned to the door. "I think one of us should stay with him in case he wakes up." 

"I'll do it." Jack reached out for the door, but stopped when Teal'c touched his arm. 

"I will stand guard." 

"That's not necessary, Teal'c. Go find Loran and make sure he's okay. He's probably worried." 

Nodding in agreement, Teal'c walked away and Sam headed off to the gate. Once inside the room, Jack settled by the bedside and studied his sleeping friend. His face pale, his eyes shadowed, Daniel reminded him of the other times when he came so close to dying. Taking his hand in his, Jack rubbed the bones just under the skin, marveling at the strength. For a man who loved books, Daniel had a worker's hands, calloused palms and long, tough fingers. Jack admired that, enjoyed the roughness that contrasted with the sleeping man's features, almost delicate and beautiful to look at. Pushing back the light brown bangs, Jack spoke quietly as he petted his forehead. His hushed voice teased the air between them. "It's never easy with you." 

Fingers twitched and Daniel's eyelids fluttered. "Jack?" 

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty." 

"And you're my Prince Charming?" 

Laughing, Jack released his hand and sat back. "Well, we've got the castle, but you know my feelings about lies, rumors, and fairy tales." 

Drug-dazed eyes met his as Daniel licked his dry lips. "What happened?" 

"We had a little setback." 

"What kind of setback?" 

"We had to turn up the intensity of the light for a little while. Don't worry about it. You're going to be fine. We'll turn it down slower this time." 

Daniel swallowed hard and tried to sit up only to groan and fall back in frustration. He lifted his arm and eyed the unwanted tubing with disdain. "Why the IV?" 

"A precaution. Frasier thinks your brain chemistry must have been compromised a little from the last time." 

"Lovely." 

"Beats jumping off a cliff." 

"Does it?" 

"Daniel." 

"Jack." 

Annoyed, but determined to be pleasant, Jack kept his voice calm. "You should be feeling better soon." 

"I am actually, but I still have a headache." He rubbed his face and looked around. "Where are my glasses?" 

"You're supposed to be sleeping." 

"But you woke me up." 

"Did not." 

"Did, too. I know I'm not easy, Jack, but neither are you." 

"Ya think?" 

"Where are my glasses?" 

"Downstairs. I can have Sam get them later when you wake up." 

"But I want them now. I'm not sleepy." 

Wiping his face once, Jack stood up and shook his head. "Couldn't you just for once try to follow orders?" 

"Orders?" 

"Dr. Frasier wants you to sleep. I want you to sleep. Sam and Teal'c and even Loran and General Hammond want you to sleep." The force of the words grew, each name building energy as he spoke. "Why can't you just close your goddamn eyes and just go to sleep for once?" 

Holding up a calm hand, Daniel smiled weakly. "Okay, Jack. Settle down." He closed his eyes, his arms crossed over his chest. "See, I'm sleeping. Satisfied?" 

"You talk in your sleep?" 

"Only when Prince Charming talks back." 

"Go to sleep, Daniel. You're worse off than I thought." 

* * *

Jack flipped the pages of the text and frowned at the graphic sexual images. No wonder Daniel warned him about the books. It was damn unsettling to see what a Goa'uld got up to for fun. He glanced up to see dark blue eyes trained in his direction and smiled. "Hello, sleepyhead." 

"Hello." 

"How are you feeling?" 

"Better. Find anything interesting?" 

Closing the book, Jack flushed and grinned. "Well, it's nothing I haven't seen on the internet and Showtime." 

His face still serious and his eyes clear, Daniel continued to stare. "How long have I been asleep?" 

"A few hours." 

"A few?" 

"Well, all night actually, but you needed it." 

Raising his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, Daniel agreed. "Yeah, I guess I was more tired than I thought." 

"You hungry? You missed breakfast, but Teal'c and Loran are fixing lunch." 

"Lunch?" Sitting up, Daniel swung his legs over the side of the bed, the IV still attached to his arm. 

"Whoa, Danny. You can't get up just yet. Carter has to unplug you first." 

Lifting the IV tubing with contempt, Daniel shook his head. "I can do it." 

"Well, you could, but I'd rather Carter do it and so would the doc." 

"Why, when I can do it myself?" 

Reaching for the port on his arm, Jack gripped Daniel's wrist and held his hand still. "Don't. Let me get Carter. She has to give you some more medicine and take blood first anyway." 

"I don't need any more medicine, Jack, and I've given enough blood already. I'm fine." 

"Yeah, yeah, back to your old agreeable self. I can see that. The thing is, Carter's got this thing about following orders and she's reporting to Frasier personally. You see where I'm going with this?" 

Reluctantly, Daniel nodded. "Yeah, but I never realized you're as afraid of Janet as I am." 

"Are you kidding? Never piss off a woman with latex gloves and a closet full of backless gowns." 

Grinning, Daniel patted Jack's hand. "Okay, just go get Sam. I'm hungry for some reason." 

"You should be. You've barely eaten since we've been here." 

"I've eaten." 

"Nibbled, but not eaten, not that I blame you. Carter may be a brilliant scientist and soldier, but cooking isn't her best talent." Daniel laughed and covered his mouth before glancing over his friend's shoulder. "What?" Jack turned and then wanted to crawl through a hole somewhere. 

"Maybe I'll let you do the cooking next time, _sir_." 

"Gee, Carter, you could've knocked first." 

"You said you liked my spaghetti last night." 

"One of your niftiest dishes. Honest." 

Shaking her head and feigning annoyance, Sam stepped to the bed. She kept her face neutral, but her eyes sparkled with amusement. She pulled on gloves as she prepared to draw more blood. "How are you feeling, Daniel?" 

"I'm better, thanks. Do you really have to do that?" 

"Afraid so. Janet thinks if we bring down the light in increments every other day instead of every day, you shouldn't have the same adverse reaction. We need to monitor your levels more closely so the same thing doesn't happen." 

Grimacing as she proceeded, he met Jack's eyes as he talked. "I'm sorry for all this. I know you'd rather be back on earth." 

Jack patted his shoulder, making sure to avoid watching the tubes filling. Seeing people shot somehow paled to the simple medical procedure. "Don't worry about it. The world can survive a few weeks without us." 

Carter finished labeling the tubes and then pulled out a vial of liquid. "I need to give you this. It'll help you relax." 

"I don't need to relax. I need to do something." 

"You need to do what Carter tells you. Just pretend we're on vacation. We'll eat, sleep, and have a merry old time. I mean, we're in a palace by the sea for pete's sake." 

"A gilded cage is still a cage, Jack." 

"Gloomypuss." 

Carter put the empty syringe on the tray and shook her head with a smile. "Daniel, you can go back to your translations after you've eaten as long as you don't overdo it." 

"I don't overdo." 

Jack snapped. "Do too." 

"Do not." 

Holding up a hand, Carter interrupted. "You want me to take out the IV?" 

"Yes, thanks." 

Daniel sat quietly while Jack fumed. Carter finished her task, wiping the puncture wound with alcohol before covering it with a small bandage. "Lunch will be ready in about ten minutes. Teal'c and Loran made bread. Smells pretty good, too." She stole a glance at the colonel. "We're all looking forward to seeing what you come up with for this evening, sir." 

"Me?" 

"Your turn for kitchen duty." 

She left as Daniel snorted. 

* * *

Still fuzzy headed and not quite alert, Daniel watched Jack smiling and talking to the others. The older man chewed and swallowed the fresh bread and kidded. "You're going to make somebody a great wife someday, Loran." 

"A wife?" 

"Well, a husband, a baker, whatever. This is really good." 

Loran glowed with pride and then motioned towards Teal'c. "He showed me how to grind the stored grain and then how to make it. You really like it?" 

Sam chipped in, her voice teasing. "Of course he does, Loran. The colonel never says anything he doesn't mean." 

Ignoring the comment, Jack slapped Loran on the back and kept talking. "You did good, kid. In fact, how would you like to have the kitchen duty for the rest of the tour?" 

"I don't think that would be fair, sir." 

"Nobody said the military was fair, Major." 

Teal'c interrupted. "Major Carter is correct. We agreed to rotate the duty." Not changing his expression, but keeping his eyes on Jack, he added, "Besides, the Major has assured me you have several interesting dishes to prepare." 

Daniel chuckled and Jack turned his irritation in his direction. "What's so funny?" 

"Not a thing, Jack." Daniel continued to smile while he drank his coffee, his body still sluggish, but very relaxed. Whatever Sam gave him made him ready to just settle back and forget about the fact that they were stuck on another alien planet. He turned his attention back to Jack, a man who both fascinated and intrigued him. 

"Well, Daniel, old friend, since you're feeling so much better, I think we should do the dishes while Teal'c and Loran here start on the third floor rooms." 

"Sure. I'll wash and you dry." 

"What if I want to wash and you dry?" 

"Fine, Jack. You wash and I'll dry." 

Jack stared in suspicion. "That's what you wanted in the first place." 

Daniel shook his head in amusement while the others chuckled and left the room, Loran behind Teal'c and Sam headed to her computer near the gate. While Daniel wrapped the leftover bread, he noted the tension in Jack's shoulders. "It's okay, Jack. I'll wash if you want." 

"It doesn't matter." 

"Then what's the problem?" 

"Nothing." Jack hesitated and then shrugged. "I was just thinking about how Sara and I used to do that all the time." 

"Do what?" 

"Argue about little things." 

Nodding, Daniel thought of Sha're, how much he missed her quiet ways, how they rarely argued, how she touched him so tenderly while they worked together doing simple things like cooking and washing. 

"Daniel?" 

"Yeah?" 

"You okay?" 

Glancing up, Daniel met dark, concerned eyes. "I'm fine." He stepped to the sink and put the stack of dirty plates on the counter. "You ever wonder what your life would be like if you and Sarah were still together?" 

His face serious, Jack crossed his arms and leaned back against the counter. "Sometimes. Not very often. Why?" 

"No reason." 

"Come on, Daniel. What's this about?" 

Taking several moments before he answered, Daniel sat back down at the table, his hand absently rubbing his freshly shaved chin. "My life is so different from what I ever imagined." 

"What? You never dreamed about chasing down snakeheads?" 

"No, I have to confess I never did. Sometimes it doesn't seem real. None of it. Not you or Sha're, not this whole life that I've fallen into." 

"How does that make you feel?" 

"Weird." 

"That fits." 

Daniel cracked a grin and then shrugged as he wrapped his arms around himself. "I've always been different. I guess it shouldn't surprise me when my life turns out like some kind of science fiction movie." 

"No offense, Daniel, but you're not in this thing alone. It's real. I try not to think too hard about how real it is sometimes." 

"Why's that?" 

"I get too twitchy." 

"Twitchy?" 

"Yeah. I've been in the military most of my life. I expected to go to war all over the world. I never expected to be running all over the universe dealing with the likes of Apophis and Hathor." 

"You're right. That would make a man twitchy." 

Sitting down at the table across from Daniel, Jack lowered his voice. "But it's what we do, Daniel, and it's real. There aren't too many people we can rely on, so we have to be there for each other. We're a team. That's what I like to focus on." 

"But what about family?" 

"What about it?" 

"Don't you ever think about getting married again and having children?" 

Jack sat back, his expression even more solemn. "No, not really. I don't think I could stand having children again." 

"But you loved Charlie." 

"And look how much good that did." 

Daniel met his eyes and frowned. "You were a good father, Jack. It wasn't your fault." 

"I'll believe that as soon as you accept that Sha're's death wasn't your fault, either." 

His chest tightened, his tongue faulty. "I accepted that a long time ago." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah, or at least I try to." 

"Same here. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't." 

Tilting his head, Daniel sighed. "So you never want to get married again?" 

"I don't really see that happening. What about you?" 

"I have to admit, I liked being married. I wouldn't mind having that again, being with just one person. But, you're right. I don't see that happening, either." 

"You'll meet somebody. You're still young. Besides, every planet we go to, you seem to have no trouble with the ladies." 

Hesitating, his throat suddenly dry, Daniel spoke softly. "But what if it's not a lady I'm interested in?" 

"Excuse me?" 

"I mean, what if it's a guy?" 

Jack's body stiffened as he sat straighter. "A guy?" 

"Yeah." 

"Shit." 

"What?" 

Jack stood up and walked over to the counter. He took a deep breath before turning around. "What are you saying, Daniel? Are you saying you like guys?" 

"I like both guys and women, Jack. Is that a problem?" 

Running his hand over his short grey hair, Jack frowned deeply. "Why are you telling me this now? We've been together four years and you've never once shown any signs of being gay." 

"I just thought you should know." 

"But why?" 

"I don't know why." Daniel stood up, his face suddenly drawn and pale. "I'm sorry, Jack. I didn't mean to upset you. I thought maybe you knew already." 

"How the hell would I know something like that?" 

"Because Sam and Teal'c do. I just thought you'd figured it out as well." 

"What? Are you kidding? How do you know they know?" 

Uncomfortable, Daniel stood by the doorway. "Sam asked me about it when we were taking care of Steven on our way back from Egypt." 

"Steven?" 

"Steven Rayner from Chicago. We used to be together when we were working with Dr. Jordan." 

"You're kidding. I thought you were with that Sarah woman." 

"I was after Steven and I split up." 

"Damn. What about Teal'c? How did he find out?" 

Flushing, Daniel swallowed hard. "He asked me once." 

"He did? Why?" 

"It's not important." 

As Daniel turned to leave, Jack stepped behind him and touched his shoulder. "Wait. It is important. Why would Teal'c ask about you being gay?" 

"I'm not gay, Jack. I'm bisexual." 

"Same difference." 

"No, it's not." 

"Don't be pissy. Answer the damn question." 

"You're not going to like the answer." 

"Tell me anyway." 

"He thinks I'm in love with someone." 

"Who?" 

"You." 

"Me?" 

"Yeah, you." 

Daniel avoided Jack's stare and headed down the hallway only to have the older man block the way. "Daniel?" 

"What?" 

"Why would he think that?" 

"Because it's true." 

Pushing past Jack, Daniel kept going, his mind screaming to run as fast as he could before his friend decided what the hell to do. 

* * *

Jack couldn't let himself think about what Daniel told him, couldn't let his mind settle long enough to figure out what it all meant. Standing at the sink, he finished drying the last plate and then turned to find Carter in the doorway. 

"Carter." 

"Colonel. Where's Daniel?" 

Her concerned expression alarmed him. "He's probably doing some more of those translations." 

"No, he's not." 

"You checked?" 

"Yes, sir. I also checked the other rooms. I was hoping he was with you." 

"Well, he's not." Jack put down the cloth, rubbing his head again, worried about what foolish thing his friend might do. "What about outside?" 

"He knows he can't leave the palace." 

"But did you check?" 

"No, I didn't. I thought I'd check with you first." 

Nodding, Jack headed to the exit. "You keep looking around here. I'll see if I can find him outside." 

"Sir?" 

Jack halted for a moment. "What?" 

"Did something happen?" 

Suddenly angry, Jack snapped. "Why didn't you tell me about Steven Rayner?" 

Startled by the harsh tone, Sam kept her voice steady. "What does Steven Rayner have to do with this?" 

"Just answer the question, Major." 

"I didn't see the point." 

Stepping closer, Jack shook his head in amazement. "You didn't see the point?" 

"No, sir. It was Daniel's business and it happened a long time ago." 

"Daniel's part of this team. I should've been told." 

"Why?" 

"Why?" 

"Yes, sir. Why? He's a civilian and it doesn't affect his performance on the team. I saw no point in telling you or anyone else." 

"That's not your decision to make, Carter." 

Still holding her ground, Sam shook her head. "I'm sorry, sir, but I disagree. If Daniel wanted to tell you, which I assume he did, then that needed to be up to him." Still seething, Jack threw up a hand in dismissal and then turned to leave. "Sir?" 

"What?" 

"Why are you so angry? Is it because he didn't tell you or because he did?" 

His jaws aching, Jack paused before he answered, his words less harsh. "I don't know. I just don't like being left in the dark about something so important." 

"Does Daniel being bisexual bother you that much?" 

"It's not about that." 

"Then what's it about?" 

"It's about the fact that I thought I knew him and I didn't know squat." With his last words, Jack stormed off to find his missing team member before he revealed any more about the real reason for his explosive behavior. 

* * *

Daniel stared out at the great expanse of water, his gut tense, his whole body on the verge of rebellion. He rubbed his face with both hands and then sagged down to the damp, grey sand, his knees pulled up to his chin. How could he have fucked up so badly? A sound startled him and he looked up into intense brown eyes. "Jack?" 

"What the hell are you doing?" 

"I needed to get away for awhile." 

"You scared Carter. You need to get your ass back inside." 

Shaking his head, he focused on the lacy fingers of the waves as they rippled up the edge of the beach. "I didn't mean to tell you. I'm not sure why I did." 

"We can talk about that later. You need to come back before the withdrawal gets worse." 

Daniel fought back the nausea, the awful churn of bile in his stomach, and wrapped his arms around his raised knees. "You go back. I want to stay here for awhile." 

Jack moved closer and kneeled down beside him, his hand resting gently on his shoulder. "Daniel, listen. I'm glad you told me, but I can't really deal with that right now because I'm worried about you." 

"I'm fine." 

"You're not fine. You're depressed again. I can see it. Come back and we'll work things out." 

"Are you still mad?" 

"I was at first, but not because of what you said. Hell, I'm flattered. It's just not something I ever expected to hear." 

"Then why did you get so angry?" 

Sighing, Jack used one hand to wipe his face before he lifted his head. "I wasn't mad at you. I was mad at myself." 

"But why?" 

"Because I should've seen this coming." 

Confused, Daniel shook his head. "I don't understand." 

"I know you don't and I don't have time to explain it right now. We need to get back before Carter sends Teal'c out to carry us both back." 

Reluctantly, Daniel stood, the world suddenly dizzy. Jack steadied him and then cupped the back of his neck, his voice a tender hush. "It's going to be okay. We'll figure this thing out." 

Forlorn, his heart aching, Daniel slowly headed back to the palace. "What's to work out, Jack? I love you and you don't love me back. I've accepted that." 

Jack walked silently beside him, his movements efficient and matched to Daniel's. Neither spoke again until they reached the steps of the palace. Jack stopped suddenly and turned. "For a smart man, you don't see worth shit." 

"What?" 

"You're not the only one with feelings here, Daniel." 

"What are you saying?" 

"I'm just saying you shouldn't accept everything at face value and that you're not alone." Jack walked up the steps in a hurry, his back to Daniel and his words like never ending echoes in the wind. 

* * *

Daniel winced as Sam drew more blood, his eyes avoiding Jack standing in the doorway. As he sat on the edge of the bed, he turned his attention back to Sam while she fussed. 

"What did you think you were doing?" 

"I'm sorry, Sam. I wasn't thinking." 

The major stole a quick glance at Jack and then labeled the tubes before peeling off the latex gloves. "Look, Daniel, I know we're all a little stir crazy, but we have to be careful. You're already having some problems. Let's not make them any worse." 

"It won't happen again." Jack's hard tone cut through the air. "Right, Daniel?" 

"Right, Jack." 

Sam patted Daniel on his shoulder. "Okay then. I'm going to send these samples back through the gate. Is there anything you want me to ask them to send us?" 

"No, thanks." 

"What about you, Colonel?" 

"Some beer and tapes of the playoffs would be nice." 

Sam smirked. "I'll see what I can do, sir." She turned her attention back to Daniel. "Meanwhile, you get some rest. You're running a slight fever." 

"It's nothing." 

"I'd just feel better if you didn't push so hard. Your immune system has been stressed with all these chemical changes in your body. You need to be more careful, that's all." 

"You worry too much." 

"And you don't worry enough." 

"All right, kids, playtime's over. Major, give me a few minutes and I'll make sure he takes a nap before supper." 

"Yes, sir." Picking up the sample tray, Sam headed out and Jack shut the door. 

"Jack, what you said before..." 

"Daniel, don't." 

"Don't what?" 

"Don't start." 

Frustrated, Daniel stood up and paced the room, his arms wrapped around himself, his hands tucked under his armpits. "I just need to know where I stand." 

"You stand where you always did. You're my best friend." 

Daniel stopped moving and faced him. "Is that all?" 

"That's a lot." 

Swallowing hard, Daniel nodded. "Yeah, I guess it is." 

"Sometimes when people live through tough times together like we have, well, it makes them feel like there's more than there is, like friendship doesn't cover it. It happens to soldiers after combat all the time." Jack stepped forward, his face close to Daniel's, his hand on the back of his neck. "But that doesn't make it the kind of love you're talking about." 

"But it could." 

"Yeah, maybe." 

Daniel reached out tentatively, his palm on Jack's cheek, his voice strained. "I love you, Jack." 

Jack didn't pull away from the intimate touch. "Damn it, Daniel, you're not listening." 

"I am listening. I'm just hearing more than what you're saying." 

"What do you think I'm not saying?" 

"I think you love me, too." 

Jack closed his eyes, his face flushed, his breathing more rapid. After a few moments, he whispered, "This can't happen." 

"Why not?" 

"It's against the rules." 

"We break rules all the time." 

"Not this kind of rule." 

Rubbing Jack's face gently, Daniel spoke in a hush. "What are you afraid of, Jack? We've saved whole worlds and kicked Goa'uld ass all over the universe. What's loving me compared to that?" 

Instead of answering, Jack pulled away and stepped back, his brown eyes even darker than before. "You need to sleep. I have to think about this." 

Nodding, Daniel smiled in agreement. "You think, Jack, and I'll still be here." 

* * *

Daniel opened his eyes suddenly, the urge to yell out nearly overwhelming until he saw the bulky, familiar shadow at the doorway. His breathing settled and he smiled. "Teal'c." 

"Daniel Jackson." His friend stepped closer to the bed, his dark face ever so solemn. "I was concerned for your welfare." 

Sitting up, Daniel rubbed his eyes and then reached for his glasses. The world snapped into focus as Teal'c watched him with an almost grim determination. "I'm better, thanks. You don't have to guard me." 

"I must confess I am here for another reason as well." 

"What's that?" 

"The colonel is telling Loran about fishing." 

Daniel smiled knowingly. "And you've heard all his stories." 

"Many times. I do not understand his fascination with this activity." 

Nodding, Daniel stood and stretched briefly. "There are a lot of things about Jack I don't understand." Teal'c remained quiet but attentive. Daniel prompted, "What?" 

"I believe we are no longer talking about fishing." 

"No. We're not." Crossing his arms around himself, Daniel sighed and sat down in the chair in the corner. "I love him, Teal'c, but then you already know that." 

"Yes." 

"Why is that such a bad thing?" 

"It is not." 

"Jack thinks it is." 

Teal'c tilted his head as he studied Daniel, his face otherwise neutral. "You have told the colonel your feelings?" 

"Yes. And I think he returns those feelings, but it's complicated." 

"Love is a great gift between two people." 

"That's true, but you've been on earth long enough to know it's not that simple." 

Putting his hands behind his back, Teal'c nodded sagely. "I have witnessed this strange prejudice on your planet. While in the service of Apophis, I have seen the same taboo elsewhere but usually only in the more remote and primitive worlds. It surprises me that the people of earth would consider love between two people of the same gender to be inappropriate." 

"Believe me, Teal'c, I've thought the same thing. I hate having to hide that part of myself. I always have. Still, in the world of academics, the censure isn't as extreme as it could be if someone finds out you're sleeping with your professor." Before Teal'c could ask about the reference, Daniel stood and continued speaking, his voice more tense and the words faster, pushing away one more sad memory. "But Jack comes from a military background. It's always had a hard core tradition of male posturing and homophobia. Living with that makes it hard to accept that one might want to be with another man." 

"Or woman." 

Thinking of Sam and Janet, their clandestine meetings, their love for one another hidden from all but those most observant, Daniel sighed. "Yes, or woman." He pushed his glasses higher on his nose as he thought of how much he wanted to be with Jack. "I love him, Teal'c. What do I do if he decides it's not worth the risk?" 

"I cannot answer that question. However, I don't think the colonel would be as concerned about the risk for himself as much as the danger for you." 

"Me?" Surprised, Daniel stopped pacing and turned to face his friend. "What kind of danger?" 

"He would probably perceive you to be the possible target for verbal or physical attacks about your relationship." 

"The worse that could happen is we'd be kicked out of the program." 

"No, that is not the worst." Teal'c paused, the muscles of his shoulders more tense as he chose his words carefully. "Do you remember Lt. Corday of SG11?" 

"Yes, he was killed on P3X-622 about six months ago." 

"As was his partner Sgt. Wilson." 

"His partner?" Daniel stepped closer, his breathing more strained. "Are you saying their deaths weren't an accident?" 

"Nothing could be proven, but after the investigation, I heard other soldiers talking. Corday and Wilson were not liked and comments about their sexuality made it clear to me that their deaths could very well have been the result of that perception." 

"But how?" 

"The team leader Major Lazar and Lt. Crammer both failed to supply sufficient support when Corday and Wilson called for it." 

"Are you serious?" Daniel raised a hand and shook his head. "No, of course you're serious. But how do you know this? Surely this would've come out in the debriefing." 

"Lazar and Crammer were both suspended from active duty. They were eventually cleared of charges because of the lack of evidence. They were reclassified and assigned outside the SGC." 

"My god." 

"Colonel O'Neill has good reason to worry about the risk if you and he go forward with a relationship." 

"Why didn't I know this?" 

"The colonel has shielded you from nasty situations on several occasions." 

"I can't believe this." 

"You must trust me, Daniel Jackson. I am telling you the truth as I know it to be." 

"Oh, I believe you. I just don't want to believe it's true." Daniel sagged down on the edge of the bed. "You know, I heard rumors about Corday and Wilson. I just never suspected the rest of it." 

"Colonel O'Neill tries very hard to protect you." 

"I understand that." Daniel ran a nervous hand across the top of his head, an anxious fear growing in the pit of his stomach. "I hate thinking that General Hammond and the others let those men get away with such a heinous act." 

"General Hammond is governed by the strict rules of evidence." 

"I know, but still, there should've been something more he could do." 

"He removed them from any contact with the SGC program." 

"It doesn't seem like enough." 

"I agree, but I also understand General Hammond's position." 

"No wonder Jack is scared shitless. Why didn't he tell me all this? He doesn't need to protect me from the truth. I can handle it." 

"It is Colonel O'Neill's nature." 

The simple direct tone never wavered. Daniel met dark eyes and nodded. "I know that. I appreciate you telling me about Corday and Wilson, Teal'c. It makes Jack's behavior a lot more clear to me." 

"What will you do now?" 

Daniel stood and walked to the door, his spirit suddenly even more determined. "Make sure he knows the danger he perceives doesn't matter." 

"I'm not sure he will believe you." 

"Teal'c, if I can fight the Goa'uld and help save the world, then I can fight some narrow-minded assholes if I have to." 

"It will not be easy." 

"It'll be worth it." 

* * *

Hands stretched apart about three feet in the air, Jack finished his story with enthusiasm. "I swear, the sucker was this big before the line snapped." 

Enthralled, Loran shook his head in amazement. "You must have been disappointed to lose such a wonderful catch." 

Waving a hand in proud dismissal, Jack shook his head. "Nah, plenty more where that one came from, bucko. Minnesota is the land of whoppers." 

Loran paused and considered the image, his face glowing with hopeful anticipation. "When we get to your world, will it be possible for me to see this Minnesota place for myself?" 

"I don't see why not. I should be able to scare up a spare rod and reel from somewhere." 

Daniel appeared in the doorway, Teal'c's massive frame right behind him. "Hey, you guys, guess who wants to go fishing when we get back?" Jack imagined a slight twitch of distress in Teal'c's normally stoic expression. He couldn't resist teasing. "Come on, Teal'c, think about it, all of us up there with the fresh air and pines and all the loons you can handle. What more could a guy ask for?" 

"I can think of many things, Colonel." 

"Yeah, well, you just haven't learned the proper appreciation of the fine art of fishing yet, that's your problem." 

"This obsession with fishing is starting to worry me, Jack." Teal'c didn't say another thing as Daniel smiled and sat down at the table beside Loran. Unusually nervous, the younger man turned to the boy. "Did he tell you the one about the sneaky bass that stole his pole when he fell asleep on the bank?" 

Jack sat back and crossed his arms, speaking before Loran could answer. "That pole was defective, Daniel, a shoddy piece of crap that was made in Taiwan." Jack leaned in toward the boy, his voice very earnest. "That's the thing, Loran. Always buy top of the line equipment." 

"So the bass can steal it?" 

The innocent reply brought amused laughter from Daniel and a frustrated frown from Jack. "Not exactly, kid. Now, why don't you go with Teal'c here and see if Major Carter needs any help? I need to start fixing supper." 

"Sure." 

As the boy stood to leave, Daniel touched his arm lightly. "Listen, Loran, maybe you and I could play a game or something. There's a jackal and hounds set I found up on the second floor we could use." 

"I don't know how to play." 

"I'll teach you." 

Smiling, Loran nodded. "I'd like that." 

As soon as he left with Teal'c, Jack spoke quietly. "Thanks." 

"For what?" 

"For making the effort. He needs to talk to someone about what happened with his parents." 

"I can't promise to be much help, Jack." 

"You've been through it." 

Daniel swallowed hard, his eyes avoiding Jack's. "Yeah. I don't think about it often, but every now and then it comes back like a fist, you know?" 

"Yeah, I think so." 

"It was such a long time ago. You wouldn't think it would still affect me so much." 

"But you were a kid, Daniel. You lost your whole world and had to start over. That's always going to be with you, just like losing Charlie will always be with me. We can't really be over something like that. We can just do the best we can to live with it." 

"And I do, mostly. I guess my way of dealing with it is trying to avoid thinking about it." 

"And does that work?" 

"Most of the time." Daniel shifted uneasily before he looked up. "We can't keep avoiding this thing between us." 

"This thing?" 

"You know what I'm talking about, Jack. I was talking to Teal'c, and..." 

Startled, Jack held up a hand. "Back up. You were what?" 

"Teal'c knows how I feel. He understands. He also told me about Corday and Wilson." 

"Son of a bitch." 

"Calm down. I'm glad he told me." 

His features tightly guarded, Jack stood up and stepped to the sink. He turned, his arms crossed as he leaned back against the counter. "Then you understand why we can't do this." 

"No, Jack, I understand why you think we can't. I don't agree. We don't have the same situation. Teal'c and Sam would never do what Lazar and Crammer did." 

"Of course they wouldn't, but that doesn't mean that someone else might not. What if we need back up from another team? And even if that didn't happen, even if we didn't have to worry about being left with our asses hanging out, we could still lose the program." 

"So what if we did?" 

"What?" 

"You heard me. If loving you means the people in charge think that we can't fight the Goa'uld, then fuck them and fuck the program." 

Stunned, Jack shook his head to clear his mind and then rubbed his face. Daniel's fire gunned his spirit, but didn't kill his doubts. "It's not that simple." 

"I know it's not." Daniel stood up and slowly walked over to Jack, his body whisper close. Leaning in, his voice soft, he cupped Jack's face. "But it doesn't have to be astrophysics, either." 

Lips lightly pressed against his, Jack pulled back slightly, his chest tight, his brain wild with want. "Daniel, don't." 

"Why not?" 

"We can't do this, not here. Someone could come in." 

Knowingly, Daniel nodded, his lips still curled in a winning smile. "Then later, in my room. We'll be alone. No monitors, no interruptions." 

Wetting his lips and swallowing hard, Jack still resisted. "Are you sure?" 

Sighing, Daniel kissed his cheek as he stepped away. "I've never been more sure about anything, Jack. Be there." 

"Before or after the chocolate cake?" 

"You're baking chocolate cake?" 

Jack shrugged and picked up a box and stared down at the ingredients. "It's a mix, but yeah, I thought I'd give it a whirl. How hard can it be?" 

"God, I love you." 

"Chocolate fiend." Holding up the bowl and mixer, he smiled. "You want to lick the spoon?" 

Daniel traced his finger slowly up the side of his friend's face as he whispered, "That's a start, Jack." 

As the younger man walked away, Jack closed his eyes and prayed for his cock to behave and save the begging for later. 

* * *

Daniel moved his last carved playing piece and sat back. "We could play again. You did really well for the first time." 

"Thanks. Would you mind if we played some other time? I promised the Teal'c I'd help him box up some more materials to be shipped back to your world." 

"No problem." 

As Loran put the pieces back in order, Daniel cleared his throat and braved the subject. "It wasn't your fault, Loran." 

"What?" 

"Your parents dying. You turned off the light to try to save them. You had no idea what would happen." 

The young face closed down, the eyes avoiding Daniel. "It still hurts though." 

"I know. My parents both died when I was young. I thought I'd caused it somehow." 

"Did you?" 

"No, of course not. But I was only seven. I'd been trying to get their attention all morning, acting out and being a real brat. I was upset that they spent so much time working and so little with me. Then when they died, I felt like it was my fault, that my being angry at them caused the stones to fall and crush them to death. I know that sounds stupid now, but I felt incredibly guilty for a long time." 

"Seven's really young. Who took care of you?" 

Daniel shrugged as he stood up and paced Loran's room. "That's the other thing. My mother's father didn't want me. He was too busy with his own life to be saddled with a kid. I ended up in a series of foster homes." He wrapped his arms around himself and leaned back against the wall, flashing images going through his mind of all the couples who popped in and out of his life. "They were mostly all good people, but I didn't make it easy. To say I was precocious would be putting it mildly." 

"Precocious?" 

"As Jack would say, a handful. I tested them every step of the way. I wouldn't let them get too close because I knew they wouldn't keep me. I either withdrew or acted obnoxious. One part of me was desperate to be accepted, but the other part said I deserved to be alone, to be unwanted. I'd killed my parents." 

Loran shook his head in adamant protest. "But you didn't." 

"I know. You didn't, either. You'll find a family, but you've got to let people help you." 

With eyes a little too shiny, Loran met Daniel's gaze. "Can't I live with one of you?" 

"I'm sorry, no. We're never home enough to give you what you need. But there will be people to take care of you, Loran. Just don't shut them out." 

"It's kind of scary." 

Stepping closer, Daniel rested a gentle hand on the boy's shoulder. "Not as scary as living your life all alone in a world full of shadows." 

* * *

His skin itched all over, under his arms, between his legs, all over his fucked up body. Daniel scratched and rubbed, but nothing helped. He took another deep breath to clear his foggy thinking. A vibrating tension stressed all his muscles, his stomach tight, his shoulders drawn in. Jack opened the door and frowned. "You okay?" 

"I wish people would stop asking me that. I'm fine." 

"All righty then. I take it Carter hasn't given you another shot yet." 

"Fuck the shot, and frankly, fuck Carter and Janet, too. I don't need all this shit." Slamming his fist against the armrest, Daniel stood up, his body revved up and ready to fight. The whole world shifted in closer and he stood for a moment, his eyes squeezed shut to let the dizziness settle. A hand lighted on his arm and he jerked away. "Don't touch me." 

"Sorry." 

Gulping in air, Daniel sagged down on the edge of the bed, his arms wrapped tightly around his chest. "No, Jack, I'm sorry. I know it's the withdrawal, but I feel like I'm going to fly apart in all directions any minute. Don't you feel it?" 

"Not really." Jack motioned toward the door. "You want me to get Carter? She's got a needle with your name on it." 

Daniel rubbed his face with both hands, his beard like sandpaper against his shaky palms. "I need to shave." 

"I don't think so. You try to shave now and you're liable to give yourself an early funeral." 

"Wouldn't want that." 

"No, Daniel, we wouldn't." 

Glancing up at the soft tone, Daniel relaxed slightly. "I'm being a shit again. I'm sorry, Jack. This isn't how I planned for the evening to go." 

"Oh, really? What exactly did you have in mind, Dr. Jackson?" 

"I thought we'd make out awhile and then you could fuck me." 

Surprised at the bluntness, Jack shook his head in disbelief. "How romantic. I should've brought flowers." 

Daniel looked away in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, Jack. It's just been a long time." 

"No kidding." 

"I don't want to fuck this up. I don't know how much of it's the withdrawal and how much of it is just wanting you so much that I'm losing my manners." 

"Well, I'm kind of addictive. Maybe it's a little of both." 

Jack stepped closer, his voice lower. "We don't have to rush this. Maybe it's not the right time. Let Carter give you the medication and we can just talk for awhile. We can save the other stuff until we're both ready." 

Daniel teased the buttons on Jack's shirt, his voice petulant and stubborn. "I'm ready _now_ , Jack." 

Jack grinned and mussed Daniel's hair. "God, who knew you were such a slut?" 

Suddenly angry, Daniel stood up and moved quickly to the other side of the room. His face flushed, he snapped, "Fuck you, Jack. Don't call me that." 

Both hands up, Jack frowned in concern. "I was just joking, Daniel. Calm down." 

The pounding in his head grew worse and Daniel massaged his temples. "God, I didn't mean that. What the hell's wrong with me? Why can't I get past this?" 

Jack came over and guided Daniel back to the bed. "It's okay. I'm going to call Carter. You'll feel better soon." 

Grabbing Jack's hand, Daniel stopped his leaving. "Don't go. I don't want any more drugs." 

"Daniel, come on. You don't have to suffer." 

"Just stay with me. If I'm not better by morning, I'll take the stuff then." 

"Me or a shot? Well, I can definitely see the attraction there." 

Daniel leaned in closer, his lips pressed against Jack's, the lingering taste of chocolate at the back of his throat. His body surged forward, the rush of heat to his groin a delicious throbbing. Jack pushed him back. "Wait." 

"Why?" 

"Because I don't want Carter or anyone else walking in on us. I'm going to tell them you're doing okay, just a little shaky. I'm going to stay the night in case there are problems." 

"Good story." 

"And then I'm going to lock the door." 

"It doesn't have a lock." 

"It does if you put a chair under the doorknob." 

"Clever man." 

"Well, it's not rocket science, but I get by." Jack gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and then headed for the door. 

"Jack?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Hurry back." 

"You betcha." 

Daniel walked over to the dresser, still groggy, but tingling with the thrill of anticipation. He unbuttoned and unzipped, stripping quickly before crawling under the sheet wearing only his boxers. He slipped his hand down past the elastic, his eyes shut as he fondled his cock and balls, the hard heat branding his hand. 

"Whoa, buddy boy, don't start without me." 

"Then hurry up." Peeking out from half-closed lids, Daniel smiled as Jack hurriedly braced the chair to jam the door. The older man turned, his face flushed with excitement, but his features still reluctant and unsure. "Come on, Jack, relax. I promise not to bite unless you're into that." 

"What I'm into is figuring out what the hell we must be thinking. This is crazy, you know that. I thought we were just going to talk." Jack ran a hand over his short hair, his voice still nervous, but his dark eyes riveted to Daniel's seductive flesh. "Hey, I figured you'd babble in at least three or four languages for a few hours before we actually did anything." 

His cock twitched with desire and Daniel rolled on his side. "And I always figured you'd be the one to make the first move." 

"Really? Why would you think that?" 

"Gung ho Jack O'Neill. You just always seem to know what you want." 

"Gung ho about the job, Daniel, but this is all a new world for me." 

"You're used to new worlds, Jack." Daniel patted the place beside him on the bed. "Come on. Get naked and explore away." 

Jack laughed in spite of his uneasiness. "Well, going bare-assed through the stargate might be a strategy that could give us a few jump starts to victory." 

"It'll make you the conquering hero here, too." To emphasize his impatience, Daniel lay back and stroked himself, his cock sizzling delicious spikes up through his spine. 

Daniel opened his eyes to see Jack gulping hard and undressing. His well-muscled body already gleamed with a faint sheen of sweat. As he slipped in beside Daniel, the bed shifted and he stretched out, his strong hand reaching down and rubbing through the thin fabric of the younger man's shorts. Daniel arched back with a deep moan and grabbed Jack's arm. "God." 

"Like that?" 

"Jack. Please." Without asking please what, Jack shifted, using both hands to push down Daniel's underwear, exposing his cock. Daniel gasped as Jack leaned in and licked the tip. "Jesus." 

His lover lifted his head, his voice a velvety hush. "Sorry, just Jack." 

Daniel's heart hammered as his lungs struggled to keep up. He reached out and caressed Jack's face. "You don't have to do this." 

"I want to. I've always wondered what it was like to suck cock and yours is a damn fine beginning." 

His head dipped again and the wet heat of his tongue sliced a flash of pleasure through Daniel's belly. Using one hand to fondle his balls, Jack used the other to steady his lover's cock. Gripping the sheets, Daniel's head fell back, his whole body enflamed. His thighs trembled as sweat dripped down his legs. He lifted up his ass to shove deeper into Jack's eager mouth as lips and tongue maneuvered him to the edge, the slippery pump matched to the massage of his balls. The sudden rush of coming paralyzed him, held him tight as bright red streamers littered his brain. The release held him a long time before Jack finally pulled away and stretched out beside him, his fingers teasing his nipples as Daniel caught his breath. 

Control returned slowly as Daniel swallowed several times to tame his lazy tongue. "I love you." 

Jack's cocky expression softened as he cupped the side of Daniel's face. "I love you, too." Slowly, he captured the younger man's lips, the salty musk still strong and smooth on his tongue. Daniel relished the kiss, the touches along his belly, the scrape of beard against his chin. Pulling back, Jack whispered, "Does the offer still stand?" 

"What offer?" 

Jack took Daniel's hand and guided it to his own unattended cock. "I want you, Daniel, but I don't want to hurt you." 

Understanding, Daniel smiled and closed his fist where it needed to be. He gently stroked, the slickness increasing with the heat. "You won't hurt me, Jack. Just use a lot of lotion and go slow." 

"Lotion?" 

"I have some in my pack." 

"What about condoms?" 

"We're both clean. Besides, we're not supposed to be having sex, remember?" Jack's eyes closed briefly, his breathing labored as Daniel pumped him gently. 

"What about Janet? She'll know when you get back." 

"Janet knows I'm active, Jack. She won't put it in the report. Trust me." 

Jack stilled Daniel's hand. "Stop. I don't want to come yet." Hesitating briefly, Jack waited a few seconds before he managed to speak, his voice low and hoarse. "Except for Hathor, I thought you said you hadn't been with anyone since Sha're." 

"Hathor doesn't count, and I haven't." 

"Then how would she know, well, you know...?" 

His face still flushed, Daniel smiled shyly, not really sure how open Jack might be to his proclivities. "I sometimes use things." 

"Things?" 

"You know, _toys_." 

"Toys? Geez, Daniel, I take it we're not talking tinker toys here, huh?" 

"No, but I do have an erector set you might like." 

Snorting, Jack shook his head and traced his finger along his kinky lover's lower lip. "Daniel, Daniel, Daniel. You always surprise me." 

Moving his hand again, Daniel smiled sweetly as he played with Jack's cock. "When we get back to my place, I'll show you my collection." 

Jack coughed a short laugh and then moaned out the word. "Collection?" 

"Everything from the ancient to the most modern." 

Lifting his hips, Jack pleaded. "God, Daniel stop. I want to fuck you." 

"The lotion's in the top drawer." 

Grunting in frustration, Jack got up, his cock jutting out and bouncing. He rushed to the drawer but found nothing but sunscreen. He held up the tube. "Are you talking about this?" 

"Yeah." 

Laughing as he returned to bed, Jack shook his head. "Well, I guess this means you won't get a tan where the sun don't shine." 

"And your dick won't get sunburned. Now hurry up. Slick yourself up and then put some inside me." 

Humor gone, Jack settled down to serious business. He popped open the tube, the lotion cool and soothing as he coated his shaft. Daniel turned on his stomach and lifted his ass, exposing himself, his erection slowly returning. A slippery finger slid inside, the touch electric, the heat sizzling his spine. He buried his face in the pillow as Jack finger fucked him slowly, his motion steady, Daniel's desperate desire growing. "Do it now, Jack. Please." 

Kneeling between spread legs, Jack used one hand to steady his hips and the other to hold his own cock as he pushed the tip to his tight pucker. With an urgent shove, the crown entered, the rest soon to follow, each thrust taking him deeper. Daniel rocked back, fully impaled, his breathing in pants as he fucked faster. Jack's motion matched his, the fierce rhythm demanding. With very few strokes, Daniel shuddered and came again, Jack's release soon after. The bed shook as they both collapsed, Jack's weight pressing him down, the two of them still locked together. 

The sweet burn in his ass turned to a slow sting as Jack withdrew. The older man reached for a sheet and cleaned himself and then carefully wiped up Daniel. Gingerly, still without speaking, Jack leaned over and kissed the left ass cheek and then the right. Lifting himself up, he guided Daniel onto his back before resting his face against his chest. Lying there quietly, Daniel petted the short cropped hair, memorizing Jack's scent, the masculine smell one he could drown in with pleasure. 

Lifting his head, Jack's dark eyes met his, the question louder than it should be. The older man palmed his heart, his words hushed. "You okay?" 

Nodding, Daniel didn't speak. Instead, he lifted Jack's hand from his chest and kissed the palm, the salty sweat like nectar. Leaning back, he relaxed, his world a safer place as he finally held the man he loved for the first time in forever. 

* * *

The End


End file.
